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it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football

by heisman

/
1.
this time of year campus feel so big it’s like there’s no one here to walk with me and help me face the wind that pushes southbound pushes me backwards I know that I have friends around I don’t know where they are it gets so cold here why do I live here I ask myself that every year but nothing seems to change I feel so down on my luck, and with my grades will I let myself shrivel up the moment I feel pain Construction cuts me off from you There’s nothing left to say or do when I tell you I’m content with the way that things have been Its a relic of the days I felt more confident
2.
3.
success is just so distant, and I’m scared of growing old, I’m scared of everything I see but cannot hold I’m scared of turning 23 and living on my own, I’m scared of all the things I can’t control it’s stacked against us, the end’s been made abstract if you stood on my shoulders you’d still never have a chance your father tells you if you want it just work harder well I’m working every day and the finish line gets farther from me you’re a bastard if you think that’s all it takes and you need some new perspective or a bullet in your brain I’m scared of turning 23 and living on my own, I’m scared of all the things I can’t control success is just so distant, and I’m scared of growing old, I’m scared of everything I see but cannot hold I see my grandfather steady growing old I’m so afraid of loss one day my world will feel so cold what will I do one generations length away from throwing caution to the wind and thus accepting my real fate you’re a bastard if you think that’s all it takes to push your fear and feelings down and puff your chest into my face cause I know you you’re just as scared of death and age as I am scared of all that too
4.
5.
12/3/2019 02:00
in the morning your perfume lingers in the air and I feel bittersweet and awkward cause I don’t know what to do I haven’t woken up in a bed that isn’t mine since about a year ago and I feel frozen in time when you leave in the morning I take my walk of shame and I don’t know to feel when you were saying my name did you mean it all those things you said you were halfway deep in a yellowtail and your words went to my head you asked me if we could do that thing you want and you were hitting on your pen all night so I had to stand my ground I said I’d keep you safe, I meant it no matter how I felt cause I know that you’re just using me to let your body vent I know you need this that’s why you invited me here in the first place and I know that but you know I can’t concede so I’ll hold you the seconds pass, you fall asleep and I’m still awake thinking is there something wrong with me

about

all songs recorded by brody hamilton on dec 7 2019

credits

released February 1, 2020

(FR-026)

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all rights reserved

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FAULT RECORDS Newark, Delaware

Est. 2014

Coastal Nineteen
donttrustlando
Greenday Mafia
Heisman
Jackson The Epic
Khaki Cuffs
Manos, Hands of Fate
Mind Goblin
Yung Boat

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